just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
