so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
