Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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