So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am one with the molecules
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize