I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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