you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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