Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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