just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
