Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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