So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
