So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
