the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
