i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
