shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
