you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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