Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
