Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have aggressive nipples.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
