It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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