The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
