she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
