I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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