dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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