I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
