My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
