...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
