i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
