Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just tell him i said nine months
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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