I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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