Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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