get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
