That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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