It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
