Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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