Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
