I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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