I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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