I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
