i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
