She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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