he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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