We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
