When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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