i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
