Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
