ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
