"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
