Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
