then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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