i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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