I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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