While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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