I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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