I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
