there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
