Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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