State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I supernannyed him into submission
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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