home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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