I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
