and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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