how can u be prego again
Non-Jews are for practice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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