i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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