Sponge bath it is.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
