it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
