i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
