apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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