Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
