How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
50% drunk capacity currently
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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