Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
