i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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