i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
